i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
