At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
