I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
party gras won. party gras always wins.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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