at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
