North Korea, Best Korea!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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