Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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