not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
