i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize