How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize