the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
3pm strippers are depressing
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
