Welp...herpes.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
