I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
