I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
