this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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