Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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