Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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