he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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