i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Even my vagina gasped.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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