I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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