I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
