It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
