bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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