i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
