maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Of course I have a pirate flag
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
