the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just gargled with NyQuil
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
