He is an equal opportunity slut.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
