Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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