just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
