puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
