I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
