is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
