Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
