I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
