on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He shit in the fireplace
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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