Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You work out of a Hotel?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I want her autograph on my taint
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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