so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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