dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i came on her dog
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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