Apparently you make a good broom.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
