her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
two words: eviction party
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Randomize
