I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
