what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
