Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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