i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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