You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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