my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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