I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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