dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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