Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
