I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
