I can text with my tongue
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
im holly from the hills drunk
sarcasm needs its own font
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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