just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
