Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
