and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
