Yo dont text me then not text me
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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