Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
