glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Do you have feelings for this penis?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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