i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
