I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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