Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
