There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
