i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
