Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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