i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
