I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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