We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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