My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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