I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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