i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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