You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
