party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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