Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
