we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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