oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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