I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize