fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
