I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
