Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
