I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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