I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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