You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
