i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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