I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My pussy is not your playground.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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