dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize