I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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