i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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