I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
