I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize