i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
